For the last 21/2 years I have been trying to figure out what I am supposed to do. What does the universe (God) want from me. What am I supposed to do? I am wandering around looking, asking and listening..... I was sick once and it looks like I am going to live so God what am I supposed to do.

I looked up in the sky at night and saw the stars. So many stars it put things into perspective. I am a small part of the bigger whole. We are all created of the same universal material. Amazing.

I want to be productive. I want to take care of my resposiblities. I want to create. I want to move forward and leave the sarrows behind. I am trying and I want things to be different.

Do people really change? Can I really change......evolve.

I am a wood moving forward always moving forward. Powerful, strong and angery. Anger sucks, feeling sorry for yourself is a victom role. It is a waste of time. I do not want to be abused by anyone.

I forget life is a process. Have I wasted my time on the planet.

Change is coming. Change is here. I want to feel the joy. The numbness is wereing off. Do you love me. Who am I now? A mother. a daughter, a wife, a sister, an aunt.

More importantly do I love myself. For so long, long, long the answer was NO. Am I worthy of love. Why can I not forgive myself?

It's time. I want something different. I want joy, and laughter. I want to forgive myself.

lol who cares. Today is another day. So I will do come drawing. I used to be abe to draw. My teachers were always so surprised. You can draw? A blond.

Hell yes. Shut up. Moving forward. Watch me!